Is there a snooze button for my biological clock? The desire to have more children is constantly ticking!
The question of whether our family should continue growing is often on my mind. After speaking with other mothers, there is no cookie cutter answer. Some women know when they are done after reaching their magic number… while others come down with baby fever time and time again. So the question that floats in my mind is…will I feel done after a third or will I always have a yearning for more?
I have had a strong maternal instincts since the day I was born. As a little girl I loved caring for my baby dolls, as a teenager I enjoyed babysitting and now as an adult I love mothering so much I put my career aside to be with my children. Sometimes I wish I could shut off my instinctive drive for procreating because it would be a lot easier.
My two boys bring me great joy, having more children isn’t about filling a void or finding happiness; it about amplifying that joy. What makes the idea of having more kids a challenge though, are the negative voices around me whether it’s society or people I know questioning my hearts desires. The negative questioning, comments and stigmas truly stack the odds against me when discussing this topic as a couple. The list can be long so here are just a few of the big ones:
-Why keep having children if your hands are already full?
-There will never be time for dates or self care.
-Having more kids will make it impossible to own nice things.
-You will never be able to go on nice vacations.
-Affording college for more than two will be impossible.
-Having more kids is expensive; a house and car that can fit a family of five will be needed first.
-You only want more so you get your girl.
-Why would you want another baby when your first two births were so traumatic? You’ll probably just have a scheduled c-section, right?
Let’s not forget about the flip side. Some of the reasons for wanting more:
-I miss being pregnant, there’s nothing more miraculous than growing a baby inside you.
-I like the idea of a big family.
-I have a strong fear of something happening to myself, husband and one of my children some day and the other being left alone in this world.
-As my younger siblings have their own children it would be nice if my younger kids could grow up with cousins.
-I’m so scared that some day I will look back and regret not having a third.
Of course each family should consider their situation and weigh the positives and negatives. I’m blessed that I have the option to have more. I’m thankful my husband is supportive. The other day he told me that the door isn’t shut. It’s not an open invitation to make a baby right now but a gentle and loving message to let me know my thoughts and feelings count. For now we try not to think about the perfect number but try to enjoy each day without focusing on the future. We pray about what God has planned for us daily. We still have a few more years until that door is shut for us. I just wish a women’s compassion for children was seen in a different light.
(This post is dedicated to my family; especially to my mom, dad and siblings who taught me how important family is and inspire me to be the mom I am today. The picture above is me at age 15 with my brother and sister)
June 13, 2016 at 2:01 am
I know for sure I want one more. You stated it perfectly about it being amplifying the joy I know I have with my two… Not filling a void. Perfect. As it stands, my husband is at a firm no. But that doesn’t stop me from putting it out there. I am in no hurry to get my lady parts “fixed”…. And my husband isn’t rushing out to do so either (so there is that). But I keep emphasizing to myself that IF we did have our third (and final)… IF that day would ever come… It will be in God’s hands. I want to keep that door open for a while because I can’t imagine permanently putting out that kind of yearning just yet… And I really don’t know what God has in store for any of us. It is very difficult though when a couple can’t agree. Heartbreaking actually. But I am putting it in God’s hands. Thank you so much for sharing this. Sorry if I spoke too much out in the open.
June 13, 2016 at 2:02 am
Oh, and that being said… I am slowly getting rid (giving away, selling, donating) our baby stuff that we out grow. I thought it would bother me greatly, but I know deep down God will provide if the need for it comes again. Third kid would definitely be low maintenance. Haha!